Picture the scene. “Five minutes to dinner!” I yell from the kitchen. My husband, busy catching up some work on his laptop is sitting out on the patio. He passes the message on (without so much as looking up from what he is doing!) to my youngest son who is playing with the dogs in the garden and to my eldest who is engrossed doing his homework on his newly acquired computer. The lamb chops are ready – cooked to perfection – a delicious aroma wafting out of the kitchen. I dish up and find I am the only one sitting down to eat at the dining room table.
Did no-one hear me? Did I not say dinner would be served in five minutes? Where are they? I did hear my husband pass on the message, but therein lies the problem: he passed on the message but took no action. He continued to on working on his computer. The children heard him but they could also see that dad wasn’t moving so they carried on with what they were doing, why do anything different?
The minute my better half stood up and boomed, “To the dinner table boys, did you not hear me! Your mother has cooked a delicious dinner, now show some respect!” there was a flurry of movement in my direction. Previously my children had heard him, but they hadn’t seen seen him taking action. Lesson one: this is a generation of watchers not listeners. Their ears just confirm what they are seeing, and if what they see and hear differs they go with what they see. Lesson two: we are the role models, our children are watching us. If we want action we have to model it for our kids because words so often just pass right over their heads.
So, if you want to reduce the amount of television your children are watching, you can’t be seen lounging in front of the small screen for hours on end every day. If you want your children to have self-respect you need them to see you looking after yourself (mind, body and soul). If you want to leave the house on time, you have to be ready first and moving in the direction of the front door. Children don’t evacuate the house just because you told them to, although that would be really helpful on a busy day when you are multi-tasking ten to the dozen.
Our words and actions have to be congruent for our children to take us seriously today. Actions definitely speak louder than words, so do save your voice and lead by example. ;Remember: monkey see, monkey do.
NIKKI BUSH
Creative parenting expert, inspirational speaker and co-author of Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, 2008), and Easy Answers to Awkward Questions (Metz Press, 2009)
nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za
www.brightideasoutfit.com
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