It takes a village to raise a child, or so the saying goes. However, we must acknowledge that the village of the 21st century has changed. In days gone past your parents and other elders in the village brought up the children co-operatively and there was always an adult around even if the parents were off hunting or gathering. Today this is no longer the case.
- The village is no longer made up of people you know.
- Extended family living close by is rarely the norm.
- More parents are working and children may find themselves with a caregiver, or home alone in the company of the home media centre.
- Your children’s values and worldview are also being shaped by the media content they are exposed to.
- You can no longer predict the future for your children which makes you less certain.
- Without certainty, parents parent their children less confidently.
- When parents lack confidence, they look to external authorities to help them to parent their children because they are driven by their own fears.
- When external authorities, such as schools, apply policies and rules, parents often knock on the teacher or principal’s door and ask for an exception to be made for their child. What are we teaching our children?
An antidote to a changing village:
- Build up a support structure of friends, particularly if family doesn’t live close by. You need to be able to verbalise your experiences, fears and concerns to people you trust while you are working out what choices to make.
- Do whatever you can to help your child to socialise. You can’t choose your children’s friends but you can create opportunities for them create friendships.
- Find an education system or school that best suits your child and your family, and then teach your child to play by the rules of that system. If the rules don’t work for you, and both you and your child continue to flout the system, what are you teaching your child?
- Keep control of the remote control. You decide which TV programmes and computer games are suitable for your child and how much time they spend in front of a screen.
- Make an effort to understand and use changing technology as it will be one of the ways in which you can stay connected to your wired child.
- Build a relationship of openness and trust with your child. This means really listening when they talk to you and not being too busy to make eye contact. Be prepared to answer the difficult questions about life.
- Know yourself and understand the changing world that you live in.
Parents now carry a greater responsibility for the choices they make in the changing village. As information and experience come your way don’t just accept it. Play with it, question it, internalise and filter it all, then make your choices by engaging both your head and your heart. Never has a generation of children needed in-touch parents the way this generation does.
NIKKI BUSH
Creative parenting expert, inspirational speaker and co-author of Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, 2008), and Easy Answers to Awkward Questions (Metz Press, 2009)
nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za
www.brightideasoutfit.com
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